Journal Entries: Preface
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The Way Corps. The Way Corps. The Way Corps.
The leadership training program for the The Way International.
For me it was a very serious commitment. Yet I AWOLed twice, both times on my interim years. Once in 1980, from the 10th Way Corps, and once in 1983, from the 13th Way Corps.
My shame after those actions was deep and tormenting. Some might laugh it off and say I’m exaggerating.
I’m not.
It was torment: emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically.
The asthma along with the subsequent somatization and immune dysfunctions, which began developing in 1981, were relentless. Not to mention the secret emotional agony and almost constantly having my foot on the gas and brake at the same time.
The torment lasted for over two decades, waxing and waning back and forth. (btw: I’ve been able to smell again beginning February, 2009. Yay! )
One leader in 1984 told me, “You are like Pigpen; but instead of dirt, your dust clouds are guilt & shame.” He was trying to be helpful and was ‘kind’ when he told me that. I recall thinking, “I have to get rid of this.” I think all I did was suppress more, try to bury it, suck it up and stand tall.
Sucking in pigpen debris can be death to an asthmatic. It almost was a few times.
Anyway…the Way Corps.
As Corps, we were encouraged (or told…I don’t recall now) to keep a journal. I no longer have some of my journals. To “declare null and void” some of my past shame and failure, I threw out journals and writings that preceded my start-over re-entry into the in-residence Corps program in 1982. I was trying to rid it, discard my actions, bury them, pretend they didn’t exist, claim my rights as God’s righteous child.
I do still have a journal from my in-residence year of my 2nd attempt at the Way Corps. It has a black binding with lined pages. It is about 10 inches tall and 8 inches wide. On the front cover,in the center, I placed the white and green Way Corps Seal sticker. Open the cover and the title page reads in green print: “Simplex Account Books.”
From that journal, I plan to transcribe the journal entries. Some are boring. Some are eye opening. Some are tedious. Some show the typical problems of a 23-year old.
These are not memoir. I am not writing from memory, nor am I changing any of the wording except I may leave out/adapt people’s names and punctuation/grammar for clarity. But even that will be minimal. My journal entries are penned in a mixture of longhand, notehand, and Gregg Shorthand.
This is straight from the page; my thoughts at the time. Or at least the thoughts I allowed myself to think and to put into ink. There are many thoughts and feelings I didn’t pen because of an underlying indoctrination about and fear of devil spirits.
If you are prone to triggers, I suggest reading A Word of Caution before reading the journal entries.
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An added note: For the most part I enjoyed my in-residence training years in the Way Corps. They were rich times of adventure and learning. I loved the Ministry, the Root locales, and the in-residence program. Of course that meant I loved the people; without the people the locations were just buildings and land. The in-residence atmosphere provided me a cocoon from ‘the world’ – a training ground before the grand flight and performance, so to speak. One of the reasons I entered the Corps was to learn how to do things ‘right.’
When it was time to exit that cocoon, my wings didn’t work properly.
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Click here to read first journal entry: September 6.
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soulfeet 
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