soulfeet

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1. John M. Knapp LMSW - July 11, 2009

YAY! Way to go, Carol. I hope this new blog meets all your expectations. I suspect it will always exceed the expectations of your readers.

2. April Galamin - July 11, 2009

I can’t wait to read it Soulfeet!!

No doubt you have a story to tell being involved in such a controlling group for all of those years. You are an inspiration to all of us who have walked away from abusive religion.

I am trying to shake the dust off from 19 years in a church cult..the years of guilt, shame & brainwashing at first are hard to let go of, but when one starts questioning & seeing the truth, freedom actually becomes a reality! In a system so oppressive it’s worse than being imprisoned because your mind & thoughts are imprisoned.

I can recall the mindset I had when I first started really getting indoctrinated..my faults were often brought to the front. I was told my extra earrings were not “becoming” of a child of God.promptly taking those earrings out of the piercings ..I was told a photo I had on my wall of Marilyn Monroe reminded a core believer of “sex”, thus I promptly removed it. It was as if I was being molded to fit someones preconceived idea of what a “true believer” should & shoudn’t be…but 1 thing I began to realize over time…I was NOT being ME. I was often reminded how I was “totally depraved”… how “no good thing dwelled in me”…. I was told I was “saved by grace” but my “sinful nature” was constantly being brought up making me feel defective & unsure of myself. I just could never do enough to please the leader…let alone the leader’s “god”. I had burdens heaped on myself & husband that no apostle ever put on a person…you know the story.

Over time, I checked out my brains at the door & let the leader *think* for me…after all, “the heart is desperately wicked….”.
so….that is pretty much the beginning of giving up your own thoughts & feelings. It’s all a process to break one down & then “assimilate them into the Borg”…as StarTrek says.

On the website for the group I escaped, it is stated, “the pastor is to rule the church as the minister of Christ…hence the church is governed by Christ through His written word being administered by His appointed overseer, the PASTOR”. Over time, I actually began to question…what about the Holy spirit leading folks & the priesthood of believers? Who is the pastor accountable to in a set up like this???? The only answer I got at the time was the pastor is accountable to God & the scriptures. Well that’s LAME….any leader MUST be accountable in the flesh to people who can question him without fear of the bullypulpit…..& other underhanded tactics. REAL ACCOUNTABILITY to REAL PEOPLE. Didn’t seem to be any REAL checks & balances for the pastor.

Another thought I often had to myself….who preaches to the preacher? Funny how he would brag that he, like Paul was “chief of sinners”..well, if *pastor* is a sinner like us lowly sheep, how come he had absolutely no checks & balances set up to make sure that he didn’t become corrupted with power & narcissism?

Oh…all of the inner workings would require years to go through I think. Well, THANK THE CREATOR YOU & I got OUT! Hopefully others will see the manipulations & abuse of these types of man made abusive religious systems.

I love you girl! You keep up the good work & keep learning & discovering. It’s all a journey, sometimes horrific & terrifying, sometimes joyous, but we have crossed through the fire & hopefully can move forward & at the same time help others who cross our path. I know you have helped me greatly & I believe you will continue help others understand!!

LOVE & PEACE,
April Griffiths-Galamin

3. soulfeet - July 11, 2009

Wow April,

Thank YOU for all you’ve done for me! It’s been and is a win, win. One day I’ll write the CM & BM poem…and you can paint the picture.

Your comment is full of helpful information to anyone who has experienced the “bullypulpit,” whether on it or taking it as a parishioner. (What an odd word: perish shunner…a twisted oxymoron?).

Thanks so much for commenting.

I love you too!!!

Hugs, kisses, and endless paints and canvas!
~carol

soulfeet - July 12, 2009

Thanks for the comment John! …and thanks for doing the good work you do.

I just found your comment… lol . I’m still learning this system and your comment was sitting in an approval folder somewhere.

~carol

4. Refiner - July 19, 2009

GDay Carol! Nice blog.

soulfeet - July 21, 2009

Why thank you Refiner…for everything. You have been and continue to be an inspiration and help toward freedom. I’m starting to like this “life beyond”…finding my voice, losing the paranoia…and not shaking at the keyboard! lol

Love ya’ bunches!
~carol

5. bean - August 8, 2009

Hello,
I was not raised in a cult but I married someone that was he was in the way international. It has been really hard for us we have children. His parents hurt him so bad emotionally when he left and its been 10 years since he left but I still have the hurt that they caused things they said and did to my husband and to my son. I have such resentment to them they don’t deserve to be grandparents to my children. My husband has forgiven them but I can’t. What should I do. It has just been ignored over the years.

soulfeet - August 8, 2009

Hi Bean,

I feel for you and wish I had the answer. It is so very difficult (understatement) when things happen in life that get swept under the rug; ie: “ignored over the years.” I can only say what has helped me as an ex-cult devotee. But that doesn’t mean what has helped me will necessarily help someone else.

Sometimes learning how cults function and what plays into the dynamics of how people get caught up in an abusive system can help explain why followers behave as they do. That doesn’t excuse any wrong behavior, but the understanding may help alleviate some of the painful effects and help come to terms with what has happened. Thus I have read and (continue to read) various books that have helped me tremendously, to understand my own cultic/true believer behavior and the influence techniques and dynamics at work. Talking this through with others who understand and/or have experienced cultic techniques has also helped. There are also some licensed counselors/therapists in this field (if someone needs that kind of help) that have an intimate and broad base of understanding, knowledge, empathy, and tools to help alleviate suffering.

Another thing that sometimes may go undetected/unacknowledged within a person is grief and the stages of grief (which aren’t nice and neat). Grief doesn’t happen only when someone dies, but with losses all along the path of life. (That may be obvious to many/most people, but it took me some time to realize.) Grief, and its accompanying emotions, are so very important…to allow, to sit with, to be with, to embrace….then to move forward bit by bit. It comes in waves (which I’m sure you know), and hopefully each wave gets a bit smaller or at least one learns to surf a little bit better. It can be our friend, which may sound odd; yet it has its function and place along the journey.

If any of that resonates with you, I can suggest a couple books.

I’d be glad to email you if you’d like me too.

I have other things I can share, but don’t want to overload. None of the above is “advice,” but are a some approaches that have helped me and others.

In hope,
~carol welch

6. littlemissjackie - September 9, 2009

Hi Carol,

Hope you don’t mind a long comment Thanks for your blog. I appreciated the quotes from John Knapp on your “A Word of Caution” page – just what I needed to hear today!

I too was a part of The Way International – not in the Way Corps, but my (ex)husband and I led a “fellowship”. I was involved from 1992-2000, and my husband a bit longer. I admit that I learned a lot about the Bible due to the large amount of teaching we received (some of it accurate), but that was certainly the only good thing that came from it. My physical health deteriorated during our time with “The Way” and I was subsequently blamed by the Way Corps leader in our area for anything bad that was happening in our “fellowship”, because there was no compassion for anyone with health problems, including seasonal allergies or hay fever. I was constantly fatigued and finally diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and soon my mental health began to deteriorate as well. I worked so hard to do everything I was “supposed to”, but was still condemned and put down by the “leadership” and others in the group. I knew there was something seriously wrong with me but received no help from anyone (including my husband) even after asking repeatedly. I can only think that he had been convinced that my health problems were my “fault” and that I didn’t deserve help from him or the “fellowship”.

In late 2003 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and realized that the stress and guilt from my time in “The Way” had triggered a manic episode in 2000 causing me to: have an affair; leave my husband and 6-year old son; spend myself into bankruptcy; and behave abominably for the next 3 years until I was diagnosed and began treatment. Now by the grace of God the bipolar has stabilized, I am able to raise my wonderful son (now 15), I am married to a man who loves me and is willing to put up with me when the bipolar rears its ugly head, I am part of a loving, Bible-teaching church, and God is continually working in my life and the life of my family. My son’s dad and his family attend the same church we do and we have been able to remain friendly. Praise God that He is about love, compassion, and forgiveness; not judgment, rules, and condemnation.

I still struggle with feelings of worthlessness or not being “good enough”, in large part because of the way I was treated during our time in “The Way” by the people who were supposed to love me the most. But, I am so thankful for our Lord, who reminds me daily that I am His child and that He loves me and has forgiven me, and that he “works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28).

It breaks my heart when I hear of someone who was so mistreated by this organization that they give up on God. The Way International brings in many people who weren’t raised in church, and so the only experience they have with God and His Word is this completely ungodly group. To anyone who is in this situation, PLEASE, PLEASE don’t give up on God because these deluded people have hurt you. God loves you and wants you to understand His true heart.

7. soulfeet - September 10, 2009

Thank you so much for your comment littlemissjackie. I don’t mind long comments at all! Plus yours is filled with goodness, empathy and compassion. We all can use more doses of that!

I’ll pass your comment along to John Knapp!

Wow, you have been through a lot. I’m glad to hear you have been able to get help in the health and wellness and other categories. I relate to much of what you shared; and I recognize it is only the tip of an iceberg…… Hugs to you and your family….

Thanks for your encouraging words to continue to seek goodness and grace and a God of love, who looks on the heart.

I hope you stop by again…

With gratitude and hope,
~carol

8. Kevin B - September 15, 2009

Hi Soulfeet,
Thanks for sharing all that info. You were with “The Way” a lot longer than me so I guess I was not as profoundly affected by it, but I had the pre conditions which made me a great candidate to be part of any cult.
Like low self esteem, insecurity, a history of abuse. I suppose I could have got wrapped up in somewhat more destructive cults.
But I know that I have a deep desire for spiritual truth where ever that might be. But aside from the Catholic Church I’ve decided that there’s sufficient guilt to go around there, I need no further assistance in that area.
But I’m grateful for having had the opportunity to see that there’s more to spirituality that petty bickering over who gave the most money or time to a cause.
Actually the concept of money is contrary to God’s laws because it takes away free choice (or severely diminishes options) from most for the purpose of providing a position of control over the masses by a small group of individuals.
But we acquiesce to the greed of a few to do their crimes against the rest of us, and they make the rules according to their own idioms. And if a person doesn’t think the same then they’re ostracized and labeled as non-persons or worse.
Anyway I have to go for a hike and get some thinking in.

soulfeet - September 17, 2009

Thanks for stopping by Kevin!

Yes, in spite of the experiences of harmful religion and the challenges of life, there is much to be thankful for. Hopefully folks learn through the trials (and the joys) and are able to share and grow. (That includes me too; I’m a folk… )

Elton John has an old song that I listen to regularly; it’s one of my favorites: “Mona Lisas & Mad Hatters”. A couple of the lines in it are, “I thank the Lord for the people I have found….I thank the Lord that there’s people out there like you…” Through the challenges I hope we all find those kinds of relationships.

I hope your hike was a good one. I’m a hiker too … and sometimes a thinker. The two seem to go hand in hand…or more appropriately stated… step in step, foot by foot.

Thanks again Kevin!

Hope we stay in touch.

Silver Linings,
~carol

Mona Lisa and Madhatters

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9. Bright Star 3 - September 19, 2009

The scripture gives us what we need to know about “all things that pertain to life and godliness.” Money and things are a part of life. We know that God always required a tenth as minimum–that goes back to Genesis and is specfically handled in Malachi.

Most Christian churches teach, or used to teach tithing, and we need to get the Word into our minds and be thankful and give joyfully, recotnizing always that God is our source of supply, not our paychecks.

I cannot address any one’s specific situation, reading only a small part of it, and that one sided. The world is a troubled place and we have a personal adversary, but God can and will deliver. No person handles everything as they should all the time, which is why forgiveness is as much a part of Christiain felowship as love, study and faithfulness. I’ve seen people and leaders come and go but the Word stands and we have to rise up to its level.

Craig Martindale did a lot of great teaching and did a lot of godo for many many people. I know some of the mistakes he made and it was dealt with. There is nothing godly in discussing it further, it edifies no one and gives place to the adversary. Move on, pray for him if you think of him,

10. Bright Star 3 - September 19, 2009

I would add that you bring yourself to the ministry. Whatever fears adn shortcomings and misunderstandings you had come iwth you—and most need to be rooted out and replaced by the positives of God’s Word. Many of us were insecure at times, but it doesn’t necessarily follow that we will be stupid and deceived. The world is a wilderness, Satan is the god of this world. He works very hard to make peoplle confused and insecure. But largely we are insecure where we are not fully convinced of God’s Word.

And how do we get convinced, by studying diligently and then applying it, getting over fear by doing what we need to do and trusting God. We all greive at times, but we cannot allow it to cripple us or run our lives. And most especially if it is because of someone we have lost—they would not want that for us and God is the God of all comfort. He comforts us (Psalms) even when we are in confusion. We do have to learn to not be run by our emotions, but to lead them captive to the obedience of Christ. We control our emotions by controllling our thinking. I always found Psalms very helpful but the church epistles are very good.

Don’t blame the Way ministry or Rev. Martindale, rise up and come back to the minstry and believe God. This is where the Word is.

11. Bright Star 3 - September 19, 2009

Oen of the things we have to do as believers is examine our own thinking, which is often difficult to do honestly when we are emotioinal about a situation or a person. Maybe the people did the right thing and you just couldn’t see it. Maybe they did the wrong thing and are gone, or have realized it.

We just can’t dwell on that and commitment means we don’t use it as an excuse to leave, but work out what needs to be worked out. I know what it feels like to not “feel’ loved, but feelings are never a guide to truth., let alone a guarantee. Kids always feel unloved when you tell them, “No.” It takes a while for them to realize that you did the right thing for them—and sometimes they never do.

People who went into the Way Corps for the most part, gave their lives to serve God full time and help people. They didn;’t do it to make your life miserable; they didn’t do it to get rich.

The Word says forgetting the things which are behind and reaching forth unto the high calling….let’s do that. We have a communist administration runing our federal government now, and this country is in very serious danger. We cannot hold on to fears and resentments and bad feellings about other believers, whether they were wrong, or right and we didn;’t understand it. Be willing to love as well as be loved. I would say, come back. Make up your mind and come back to the household. We’ve all been hurt; we’ve all been wronged, but if we keep our hearts tender, we get healed. If we focus on the hurt, the adversary just uses it.

Come back iwth the tenderheartedness of a child.

soulfeet - September 19, 2009

Hi Bright Star,

Thanks for stopping by and expressing your opinion.

As you stated, you “cannot address any one’s specific situation, reading only a small part of it, and that one sided.”

All our stories are like that to a point, one-sided. Yet all stories even from one’s own viewpoint are multifaceted; and opinions about situations and circumstances may(often) change as one gets older, gets more information, experiences more, and perhaps even chooses to altar their belief system(s).

Apparently you are happy where you are and have found what works for you.

As far as some other points you brought up in your comments, those are not really addressed on this blog. You are welcome to visit my other blog that does delve into those other aspects. That blog is found here:
toss & ripple .

Regards,
Carol Welch

12. April Galamin - October 1, 2009

Dear BrightStar,

How many bible based groups claim they have the proper interpretation of the “Word”?

There must be hundreds if not thousands.

The bible based group I escaped from, still calls itself “the Kingdom”…the “Body of Jesus Christ”, the “True Church”.
The leader claims they have “the truth” in a way that other church organizations don’t.

Consider how many controlling & abusive groups tout to being & having these things. They must be legion in number.

Are you saying that people who aren’t in “The Way” are somehow less spiritual?

Are you saying that the “way” is the only group that has all truth??

Are you saying a person is unable to live a good & wholesome life unless they are members of the Way??

Must a person be a member of the Way for God to be pleased with them?

Are you saying a person’s standing before his maker is in jeopardy if they wont bow to the whims of what the “Way” leaders teach & THEIR interpretation of the bible?

Have you looked at the possibility the Way has damaged people’s lives?

If that life was YOURS, would you be so quick to just forget it?

You mention how we need to examine our “thinking”…are you examining what you think, what you are being TOLD to think?

Do some research honey…or are ‘they’ indoctrinating you that persons who aren’t in the Way, are not to be trusted…evil perhaps?

IMHO, any group or leader, who is honest & truthful, will not be afraid of having the bright spotlight of scrutiny shined on it.

Are you willing to dig deep & read about what folks have experienced being in the “Way” that doesn’t fit your preconceived mindset?? Are you willing to shine that spotlight of scrutiny?

Hurt & damaged people, damaged relationships, ruined careers, lives cut of their potential, shouldn’t be the fruits of any “ministry”.

Maybe you should do some unbiased research on your beloved Rev. ….NOT from the Way viewpoint, but from those who have been there & done that & have the scars to show.

SOULFEET, don’t look back at the Way…..they are WAY…
OFF COURSE.
Just my humble opinion.

LOVE,
April

13. soulfeet - October 6, 2009

I just reread the past few comments here.

The first thing that came to mind was ‘cross-cult’ fertilization, as I call it. That is interacting with and having meaningful dialog with others who are/have been involved with totalistic systems with differing beliefs or doctrines.

In my Way days, I would have responded to the above statment with a question, “What do you mean by totalistc systems?”

By a totalistic system I mean a system which believes it has the absolute truth. All and any perspectives/opinions must absolutely line up with that truth/doctrine; otherwise the opinion is false, vain, of no profit, and void of value or worth. This produces an us-them atmosphere and mindset.

In my Way daze I would have responded to that definition with, “Well, then I’m in good company. Jesus Christ taught totalism.”

At this point I’d agree with part of that last statement. In some (many?) instances, the Bible and words attributed to Jesus are totalistic. But are they supposed to be? Or is that what harmful religion does, funnelizing rich literature into narrow caves where one’s eyes can only see what the shadows allow?

I don’t mean that in an accusatory fashion, but rather I’m simply thinking out loud.

I rambled a bit about ‘cross-cult’ fertilization here: “Over Ninety-nine Percent Identical”.

April (who responded to Brightstar’s comments) and I met over a year ago. When we met she had never heard of The Way (if I recall correctly). Yet the system she emerged from and The Way operate in the same manner, proclaiming that only their group teaches the real truth of the Bible. I’ve discovered the same with other people from many different denominations and non-denominations.

In my Way days, I would have attributed that “sameness” to the adversary (devil) being a parasite and thus orchestrating systems so the Ministry would look evil. Of course, that kind of explanation is not unique to The Way.

Another thought is that The Way has not been accountable for past wrongs and abuses. To not speak of the abuses, to pretend they never happened, to simply not discuss the wrongs is unhealthy. It’s sweeping “it” under the rug. Among other damage, that kind of non-accountability invalidates people’s experiences, can cause emotional harm and physical illness, and does not promote trust. It doesn’t promote healthful relationships, at least in my own and others’ experiences/relationships.

Perhaps The Way has had more open dialog regarding these issues since I exited in 2005? If so, I’d like to know in what areas they have done so? Have they come forward to their long-time followers regarding certain accusations and unethical (if not criminal) activities? At least the Roman Catholic Church admitted their errors and provided some help for some of those harmed by some of its practices. (Of course that didn’t happen until victims began stepping forward.)

Brightstar 3, I meant when I stated that I appreciate you stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate others’ comments as well.

soulfeet - October 6, 2009

By the way April….Yes! The Way is way off course for my life at this point. Unless there would be big changes, I imagine that’s the way it will be…..
(lots of puns there! *wink*)

14. lawrenceez - October 26, 2009

This looks like an excellent blog. Haven’t yet read through the comments, but I think the overall presentation is great.

Thanks for visiting mine.

15. soulfeet - October 26, 2009

Thanks for stopping by Lawrenceez.

I look forward to reading more of your blog as well. As stated before, I wish I had a clone!!! hehe

To life and all its discoveries!
~cw

16. lawrenceez - October 27, 2009

Hi again,

I looked up The Way and found some interesting stuff. Sounds very typical of some of the charismatic groups I’m familiar with, particularly those connected to the Shepherding Movement. I noted with interest the practicing of “marking” (shunning). This is something I feel very strongly about, having observed some church splits and friendship fallouts.

17. soulfeet - November 2, 2009

Hi again Lawrence…

Thanks for taking time to read and comment.

It’s good to hear your perspective as an “outsider.” I’ve found that so many of these “we have THE answer” totalistic structures have similarities.

Shunning is such an evil practice. It seems it happens on a continuum depending on the group and even an era within a group.

“Mark and avoid” as a ‘formal’ (for lack of a better word) practice was instituted in The Way in the 90’s. After around 2000 or 2001, it was no longer taught or put into formal practice; however, it was never untaught. It was just kind of left hanging. If a follower asked about it, then the follower was told that The Way no longer practices that. Yet, in a sense, a degree of shunning was always practiced and will be practiced due to the scripture in II Corinthians 6:14. Like other groups, The Way believes that The Way followers are the true believers, the household of faith, with the undiluted, rightly-divided Word of God.

There were some years in The Way that I didn’t want to get certain acquaintances involved with The Way because if they decided not to stand, I would have to cut ties with them. *redface* Thankfully I was never in a position to shun family. To my embarrassment, I admit that I did “mark and avoid” (shun) friends when they left ‘the household.’ Since leaving The Way I’m thankful to have gotten in touch with most of those folks, apologized, and been reconciled.

Thanks again for stopping by.

Warm wishes,
~carol

18. Anonymous - November 13, 2009

Do any of your experiences with the way involve being physically restrained in a manner that would leave unusual scars on wrists, lip and forehead? I am trying to find the source of abuse as a child. My sister has similar scars only instead of her forehead they are behind her ears on her hairline. We were not “tortured” in the restraints but rather forced to focus. I remember reciting scriptures to ward of evil. I remember being taught to speak in tongues in a group in someones basement. I remember many things, but they are all fragmented. You know how memories are. We were in the way as children 1984 to 86ish. My sister uses drugs and alcohol to ease here pain and has decided we were abducted by aliens. I’d like to find the truth for her and for myself. Prior to our time in the Way we attended another questionable school in Gettysburg OH called God’s Tabernacle. I’m just looking for the source of these memories. Some resolution and peace for my sister, and myself, but mostly her, they were much harder on her. Does anyone out there know of similar experiences in either of these organizations? Thanks for the blog soulfeet.

soulfeet - November 14, 2009

Hi again Anonymous,

I’m so sorry to hear of your’s and your sister’s pain. I can empathize with not being able to remember events and parts of childhood. I hope you are able to find some answers, healing, and resolution in your heart.

As far as being restrained, I personally never experienced that nor saw it (to my recollection) during my years with The Way. Nor do I recall ever being taught to apply any such action to a child or another person. That said, people can interpret the Bible any way they see fit to justify certain actions. So I’m not saying I don’t believe you or that your experiences are invalid. People’s experiences in The Way (and in other high control groups) seem to vary widely according to different circumstances.

Children, as well of adults of course, were taught to stay focused and to speak in tongues when a child was ready to speak in tongues, preferably before the child was eligible for the Way’s Foundational Class. Age of eligibility was 12 years old.

At one point in the 90s, I heard a teaching series by a top leader regarding rearing children. He gave examples of popping his son with the wooden spoon in order to get his son to learn the alphabet. His son was young. I can’t recall the exact age of his son, but I know it was early elementary or shortly before elementary school.

There was also a period of years where children, even preschoolers, were expected to behave as adults as they sat through adult services. They were to expected to sit quietly and focused (no coloring books or doodling) for 45 minutes to over an hour.

Good success on finding healing and answers for you and your sister.

In hope,
Carol

19. April Galamin - November 21, 2009

Carol, we must have known each other in a previous life or something because seriously “Where is the love” is a song that went through my mind for a LONG time, especially after the trauma of leaving the cult.

I grew up listening to that song….in my head I could hear it over & over in (must have been) Dionne’s voice & the man’s voice who sang the duet w/ her. Over & over it went through my head…
“where is the love?…where is the love?…where is the love?…where is the love?…where is the love?….”

It seems controlling elitist groups have no true love, except that directed towards the leader & the dogma. & I think what looks like love towards the leader is really fear & pacification? (Is that a word?)…after all, who would want to displease “the man of God”? …so you do what you’re told.

I don’t think it’s love.

Seems crazy & unfortunate that words, doctrine & ideas become more important than feeling, flesh & blood human beings.

*SIGH*

April

soulfeet - November 21, 2009

That is so funny April, about the song!! omg… Ha! Who would have thunk!! I tried to find the Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway version online, but I couldn’t find one.

I recall singing that song going to work and singing it while walking down the hall in the building where I worked at the time at The Way HQ. I thought, “Something is wrong somewhere. I don’t understand something. Something isn’t right somewhere. But what is it?” And then that song would go through my mind with the gut feeling that something was wrong.

Of course, I thought I was what was wrong. I was the problem. I must somewhere be screwing up to feel the way I was feeling. Sadly, there was much wrong in The Way that I had no knowledge of…a lot of stuff. But, as is the case with doctrine over person, I had learned to suppress and dismiss any thought of wrong I might have toward those who were (supposedly) more spiritually in tune than I. Self-blame was a continual companion, and almost deadly as well.

Thankfully, that mindset has subsided. Freedom is sweet!

For any who might read your comment and this reply, here is the link to the entry that April refers to:
“Where is the Love”

Hmm, I think I’ll enable comments on the “Addendum” entries.

Thanks April!!

Love you bunches….

Yay Motown!
~carol

20. April Galamin - November 22, 2009

Oops!! Was it Roberta Flack??

Anyhow, GREAT SONG!

I understand always having the blame shifted back on to yourself.
How dare I question?…I was the doubter, I let the devil into my
head & allowed him to let me doubt the “truth” the doctrine…the pastor.
HA!! I am so glad to be out of there.
It made no sense to me anymore.

Yes, freedom is sweet!

LOVE YA!
April

21. Cyndee - November 26, 2009

Nice of you too put all this up for others to see. It helps to expose
the darkness of the Cult vice grip around ones heart when your in it and don’t actually think it is hurting you.

It takes a long time…to heal.

soulfeet - December 3, 2009

Thanks Cyndee for stopping by and for your kind words.

Thanks too for your own putting yourself out there. I believe it does make ripples of awareness which can help tip the balance so folks are more attune to abuses that happen within groups and relationships. Hopefully compassion and understanding are also a by-product and there is less of “blaming the victim.”

Warm wishes,
Carol

soulfeet - December 5, 2009

I hear ya’ April!

As far as the song, I couldn’t recall the artist either…had to look it up.

That is such a hoot that you sang the same song. The serendipity of life continues to keep life interesting!! Swamis, gurus, aliens, and all…

Love you too!
Carol

22. April Galamin - December 13, 2009

That’s funny isn’t it? What a gift LIFE is!

Now I feel like doing the Fiddler on the Roof “to life” sing & dance!
Some awesome Russian/Ukrainian? dance moves in the bar scene
of that movie!

When you mentioned that “there’s something wrong here…something’s not right…” I could relate to that.

While in the group, inside my spirit, I felt something was amiss.
But, because of stuffing so much of what I questioned & felt in my spirit & gut, the “something wrong” was kept obscure in my mind…though it was so close at the same time.

What kept me from seeing clearly at that time was namely fear.
Fear is used big time to keep the flock in line & tighten the screws.
I don’t recall Jesus even condemning those who walked away from him with words like we had hurled at us by the leader to “look out for God’s fiery indignation…”. & other hurtful words. Jesus may have judged the self righteous & controlling religious leaders, but he was compassionate towards the lambs.

Anyhow, we know that one way to control the flock is to stop them from ever leaving & if they do, you make them feel like God is really pissed at them, to the point where he might even kill them.
This is totally ABUSE. It has nothing to do w/ keeping God’s commandments & everything to do w/ a controlling leader keeping the flock in lock step. I even see examples of people going their seperate ways in the bible…and nobody was condemned.

Not so w/ religious abusers.
If you leave their group, that is equated with walking away from God. Pretty demented if you ask me…but SOP for those types of groups.

In regards to the message I left for “Brightstar” I would say that any abusive groups name, be inserted wherever I have mentioned “The Way” or “Way leaders”. I believe those questions should be asked in regards to ANY abusive religious or non-religious group.

Well Carol, have a wonderful Yuletide, Christmas, Kwanza, Channukah, Winter Solstice or whatever winter holiday you choose
to celebrate!

with much love & a (((hug)))
April

23. Anonymous - December 20, 2009

I happen to be talking with my TP and he said some info to me about TWI and he told me to go online to do some reseach about the orginization. I didn’t go right away…I had taken the Foundational classes, but I have be questioning this ministry, even though many members have shown their kindness, concern and support during some difficult times in my life…I was married to a former TWI who divorced me because I would not tolerate the abuse and control of any kind. I have been praying and asking God where do I belong to seek His face and do his will…I finally did the reseach about the TWI and must say I’m very shocked in my findings about TWI. I don’t believe I started searching about TWI by accident, I ask for answers and I received.

soulfeet - December 21, 2009

Hi Anonymous,

Thanks for stopping by and for commenting and sharing. I’m sorry to hear of the divorce and yet glad that you stood up for yourself in regard to an abusive relationship. I hope your heart has been comforted and some healing has transpired in regard to that circumstance.

There are some wonderful people who were and are still involved with The Way. People’s experiences can vary widely depending on various circumstances, such as the years they were/are involved, their local leadership, their depth of involvement and commitment to the organization/doctrine, and other factors. Some deem their experience abusive and others deem their experience as wonderful. I deem my experiences as both; neither one negates the other, imo. That of course is also true in other “we have the true doctrine” organizations, not just The Way.

One thing that bothers me regarding certain organizations/religions is lack of transparency and accountability. It can be devastating to learn the “family secrets” out on the street so to speak. And then the family pretends those incidents had little consequence to other. That response pours salt in a wound, or worse.

As of when I left The Way in 2005, it was not transparent about its past. The org acknowledged it had had some problems or ‘growing pains,’ but the depth of damage wasn’t addressed. To my knowledge that hasn’t changed. I don’t know what would happen if would acknowledge the abuses; I (as others) can only speculate, of course.

I recall a time in the early 2000’s when I attended an Advanced Class Special and a slide presentation was shown regarding the history of The Way. I sat in the audience wondering how the presentation would handle Rev. Martindale, who was The Way President for 18 years and was let go due to some law suits, and that part of The Way’s history. I think only one slide was shown, and it was of Craig’s installation ceremony as the second president. There may have been two slides, but I think it was just one with a statement that went something like, “Craig Martindale was installed as the second president of The Way in 1982 and served in that capacity until 2000.” A blip on the screen, yet such a huge chunk of Way history. It was standard operating procedure to utilize photos and slides that only had images of folks who stood until their death or were still standing with “The Way Household.”

As far as my feelings about The Way, probably a blog entry entitled No Road to Nowhere describes them in one place as succinctly as I know how at this point.

You may also be interested in the blog entry: Subtlety: A Current Perspective on The Way International from September, 2009.

On that blog there are other links on the sidebar, both pro and con, regarding The Way.

Thanks again for stopping by and godspeed in your journey,
~carol

PS: Does “TP” mean ‘team player?”

soulfeet - December 21, 2009

Thanks for sharing April!!!

You left out one holiday….Festivus!!